i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
