capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
