I got her a Nickelback box set.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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