Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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