I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
