he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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