you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
