Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
