My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
