nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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