yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
