Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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