i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
