That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
