My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
