Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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