I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
