how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
