OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
