my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
