Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
