And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
