When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
