Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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