btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the condom got lost in my hair
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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