Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This beer is not sobering me up at all
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
