$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
