Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
