i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
