I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
