thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
