dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
