You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
