I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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