People in love make me want to vomit
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You took a bar mat shot.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
