I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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