I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
