Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
