also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
