why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
