You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
