Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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