I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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