I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
