I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
