i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
