So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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