I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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