Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
