think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
