walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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