I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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