I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
