There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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