i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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