Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
