I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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