You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
