Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
