I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
