Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
